Posted by queenmadison

I thought life is over... I really did attempt to just be free and get away from all the problems and responsibilities I have. But thank you for those people especially those who commented on my last blog and helped me. After those wonderful comments I have received, I came up with a decision. This would either do me good or make the situation worst. But I am ready in anything that might happen. One thing is for sure. I am much stronger now and I promise myself never to cry again.

I tell you now that God really finds a way to lightened loads that we are carrying. I felt so weak the past few days. Some good friends of mine online told me to go seek for help and I did. I even phoned my best friend and told her what is going on in my life right now and that I badly need some helping hands... my best friend asked me to dinner at their house and asked her cousin (a caregiver) to take care of my grandmother and help my mother out at home for a night. I brought my daughter to my cousins’ house as well.
When we got to Leah's house (best friend), I saw our friends whom I haven't seen in a while. And to my surprise, ex-best friend from high school was there. Ex-best friend, because we had a great fight in senior years which led us both being suspended, from then on we never talk nor seen each other. It's been a long while... the house was full of confusion, coldness when I entered, some eyes were exclaiming how they feel about my current situation and some eyes were only looking for a sign of anger and me leaving the room. I didn't leave the room; instead I try as hard as I could to maintain myself and not to burst out crying. Dinner was over when we agreed to drink some wine and talk about things. To be specific it’s about me. Then a hand touched mine telling me to go outside for someone is waiting to talk to me. I didn't notice that Marisol the ex-best friend was there outside with Leah the whole time I was stating my situation to my friends. I went outside the house and saw her (Marisol) smiling at me. We didn't say any word but;"it's been a long while huh!?!" and then hugged each other. I feel so light that time... I felt that the one big dagger that is in my heart for a very long time was dissolving and turning into a feeling... a feeling I never felt for a long time... happiness.
After that night I went home and saw my husband at the doorstep just there, staring at the door... crying. He said he only went there to get his things that he needs to be away from us as far as possible cause he needs to find himself and start over. I hold his hand and told him I will help him to change, I don't know what's gotten into me when I said that. But something inside me is telling me to help him. We went inside and I gave him something to eat since he told me he didn't eat dinner yet. I asked him if he would like me to help him and we will attend counseling and a program for alcoholics. And he said yes. For the first time he agreed on seeking help. That night I let him sleep in the other room I gave him some hot milk and tucked him to bed like a kid. He fell asleep right away .His eyes were very tired I can tell. My daughter even peek into the room and smiled when she saw her dad.
I went in my mom's room and told her about all of the things that happened to me that night. She said it would be a great help for me if she would hire someone to sit grandma.
My daughter who was afraid the dark slept with the lights off. When I went to peek at her room she told me that she is now safe because now the family is complete. A tear rolled on my cheek. That night changed my life completely...
I went back in the room where my husband sleeps and pull a chair next to him. As I was staring at him, I prayed... I thanked God for that night. And asked Him to help my husband.
Morning and I fixed breakfast for the family. Everybody was feeling great that day. My grandmother wasn’t giving me a hard time feeding her. My daughter ate all her meal and my husband ate twice the usual breakfast he takes. After breakfast my mom played the piano. A serene Monday for me.
10:00 am. I phoned Mina, Leah’s cousin to look after my grandma again. Me and my husband fixed ourselves and went to Doctor Bringas for a recommendation for his program. And went to a “Pancitan” a restaurant who serves noodles and only noodles. I never did this in a long time…. I miss it so much. My heart is feeling a lil bit funny and I was smiling all the time. My daughter’s eyes were filled with happiness too. And my husband? Well, he was acting like the same person I’ve met 5 years before, when we were still girlfriends, boyfriends. We drive to Vigan after that and attended the marriage counseling with Doctor Cee.
We are supposed to return every Saturday. And my husband will attend his program after his work. I hope this will work out for us. And I hope you guys will understand the decisions I’ve made. Things are happening so fast… but I hope this happiness in me will last…
Thank you very much for those who posted comments on my last post. It did me a great help and made me stronger to face my problems.
For those who commented and helped me out a little thank you located at my side bar. To JG I will thank you here sincé you didn't leave any back link. thank you...