Trials aren’t counted by how many it may be but it is counted on how hard it is to deal with. I have been in a stage where I should give up but despite of me having an alcoholic husband, a grandmother who’s suffering of Alzheimer’s disease, a mother who has a heart ailment and a daughter who’s always ill due to asthma, I am trying my best to be as strong as possible. October 28, 2008, just last Wednesday, my daughter had asthma attack that I have to take her to the hospital. I was so caring when it comes to her, I don’t let her run around, always check her back if she’s sweating and I never forget her medications, But still destiny is testing my strength. I am nearly to cry just by typing this, I have just solve my problem with my husband and my grandmother is not worse than before, I cannot say she’s improving since dementia has no cure, but she is coping up, my mom is doing great and oh my dad is coming home this November, but now… my daughter, my two years old baby, is in the hospital being cured. I think that God isn’t going to stop until He sees me growing more and stronger… But isn’t this enough?

My daughter has tubes connected to her body, oxygen, dextrose and well, I don’t know what it’s called, it’s a device to navigate her heartbeat. I nearly fainted when they run tests on my daughter, I told the doctor she’s just having a usual asthma attack but still they run blood test, skin testing for her meds, x-ray, urine test and even stool test thought the last three isn’t worth fainting for but blood test on my baby is not really a cherry on top of a sundae for me. She was crying and holding my hand when they extract blood from her finger. She even told me to get them stop cause it hurts so much. When she calmed, I look at her and again tears fell to my cheeks, my heart is thumping so fast as I look at her and I prayed again to God and prayed hard to give her health. Then I asked myself, Am I a bad mother that my baby suffers like this? I do things a mother would do for her baby; I never put any other things first but her. When my husband and I had problems worry more about my baby than myself. She’s the number one reason why I chose to stay home and work home. Why are all of these happening to me? Then I recall the sermon on last Sunday’s mass, that if you are being tested you will in return receive a blessing more than you are expecting. And also I recall the story of the parable of the beach ball which a friend online asks me to read. I was being shoved to the bottom of the pool and still I find my way to the top. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to find my way on the top and regain my strength but it seems like it was just yesterday when I encountered a trial, now that I am trying to stand up another trial is pushing me to drop down again. I am sorry for those who find my blog not that interesting anymore for I am always posting blogs about how complicated my life is. Well, I can’t get this out of my chest unless I write it down and let it all out. As I’ve told you before, my life is an open book.

October 30, 2008; still my daughter isn’t doing well. She barely asks for milk and is always vomiting even though she’s not eating anything. The doctor says it is normal for she is just undergoing the hard part of being ill. Oh how I wish I will just exchange places with my daughter in that case she won’t feel the pain.

October 31, 2008; she asks for a bottle of milk, I was so excited that I even dropped her canister. Oh what a mother would ask only for her daughter to be well again. She was giving signs of development. Thank God.

November 1, 2008; it was Halloween and we are in the hospital. When I went home to get some things needed in the hospital I entered my grandmother’s room and saw her talking with Janice, her caregiver for the mean time, she was looking for me all the time asking Janice if she would tell her where to look. I went straight to her bed and kissed her forehead. She amazingly recognizes me and even scolds me for not tending her. I told her my baby was ill and she reached for her purse where only old coins were kept, since her money is being saved in the bank in case of emergency, she gave it to me and told me to go buy some medicine for my baby. My heart sank and I hugged her. She whispers; “if only I am young again, I could help you take care of her in the hospital.” For a while she was herself! That day was a miracle between me and my grandmother. I realized that even if the disease is eating her brain and took her memories away, in her heart stayed memories any disease cannot alter, memories of being a mother, a grandmother, and a woman.

When I went back to the hospital, my daughter greeted me with a smile and my husband who was tending her at the moment was asleep with his hand on my daughter’s. What a scenario and what a day it was.

November 2, 2008, today, the doctor said that my daughter will be discharge from the hospital on Tomorrow, since she is doing quite well now. And indeed, everything went just fine!