I don't know how to be private.My life is an open book. I only keep my problems when I know I can solve it in the long run. But now I have no idea on how to even face my problems. I am a young mother and a young wife as well. I thought that I could make my married life as normal as possible. But being too young to know things isn't really helping. My husband isn't doing his job. I am always cleaning up every mess he makes. I have to admit that yes, I am a nagger, a person who always in a red mood. It is because I am the one working and taking care of our daughter at the same time. I am working online btw. Also taking care of my grandmother. So I do things at home. My husband? well, today he has a job tomorrow he is fired, that is his kind of living. And he is always drunk. I am desperate. I need help. that's why I am posting this right now. Blogging is the only way that eases my heartaches and pain inside.
I wrote him a letter last night, he haven't read it yet because he didn't came home. But on that letter I told him that I need a rest and that we have to separate. Am i doing the right thing? I want to help him but it seems that he doesn't want to help himself. I am tired of giving him chances to build our marriage again. I am tired of arguing on how we can feed ourselves. Too tired to think of any way but to break up with him and that is for good. If anyone would read this, please I need someone to talk to. I need some advice. I need help. I am crying right now just posting this. I still love him though he's like that. I miss the man who used to love and takes care of me.I miss the times he was still responsible and knows how to help me when I needed help. Now I feel so alone. Betrayed. I feel so pathetic just posting this. I want to go out and smell the fresh air outside or to find myself but because I have so much responsibilities at home I can't. My grandmother needs me because she is suffering dementia, My mother also needs me because she has a weak heart,My niece needs me because she has no one to cling to, and my daughter needs me because I am her mother. I am the one cleaning, cooking, taking care of my family and desperately earning some extra money online. I feel so weak now...