This was derived from my diary...

Posted by queenmadison

WHY I ALWAYS END UP CRYING????May 26th, 2005 by queen

why I always end up crying??? why do I always come upon guys who aren’t like of those fairy tales? Am I that bad as a person to deserve such pain? Maybe you might ask… "ba’t ba siya madrama?" Yes, I’m guilty of being such a drama queen. But what can I do? I’m not the type of person who plans ahead of time so… I always end up saying…"NOBODY LOVES ME!" I live by the day People! to tell you the truth when I have plans… It doesn’t go with the way I want it to be. I’m not good at planning things. But I take the risk on doing things… planned or unplanned. Anyway… I will not elaborate every guys I’ve been with it’ll take us decades to complete the story. But every guy I’ve been with has a tale… I’ll make it short for you not to close my blog window.
i’ll start with my first love Jake. He was this boy next door type of guy who always makes my day complete by him waving his hands and saying… "hey taba! ganda mo ngayon ah!" I was not that fat. but he says that every time he sees me. Then he’ll tell stories such as "white lady who knocks at his room and gave him chocolates…" and stuff.Then he’ll give me the chocolate his so-called white lady had given him… white lady was his sister, I found it later when he left for abroad, of course being scared of his stories I will not accept the chocolates…he’ll eat it on his way home. to make the story shorter people, yeah, we kissed… I was 10 and he was 11. He said I was the best kisser in the whole wide world. Of course I was at that time of his time, I was his first kiss and he was mine. But we broke up when I met Jeremy… Jake had dated my friend Lynden later on. I have no interesting story about Jeremy only he ended up in a rehab in Chicago. and Jake? when he left for US. he wanted to see me before he leave but my bro-in-law sabotage the sweet moment when he started teasing me. that was my first heartbreak.
the second was… Rain. We have this baby love thing going on… we separated for about 7 years then when we meet again… I’m a different person.Much prettier, sexier and uhm… ok. I thought It was going to be the "reunited and it feels so good" thing but he only wants a shot.
third heartbreak… Derick and John. I was in love with John and at the same time with Derick which turns out to be in love with my friend fiona. Fiona and Katrin are my friends who has this big crush with Derick… huh!?! let’s leave that alone. NO ONE end up with anyone.
4Th heartbreak… Johnel. yeah, yeah my friends might say…"whoa!" but yeah I’ve been in love with him. well, i did love him…. all of them actually(my boyfriends). Here’s the story, my mom and my sister disagreed with me being with him. with some reason at that time I can’t really understand.I have no choice but to break up with him and me ending up the "kontrabida" cause I haven’t got the chance to explain it to him. even now…. he doesn’t know. if ever he reads this… I’ll take the opportunity to say sorry…
5th heartbreak…Jeff R. This guy is way off older than me. 7 years older. He was my actual first crush in our neighborhood. He courted me when I was in my freshmen in college. he said he has this crush on me ever since I was a kid but I really don’t believe him. My cousins hate him my mom again hates him. due to the fact, now I know the reason, that he was drug dependent and yeah a total loser. but I’ve loved him. I tried to understand everything about him. Later on… I found out he was dating this Olive Oil look a like. I have to break up with him. he doesn’t want to but he has no choice. Now he’s married, he even sent me an invitation to his wedding… that asshole!
6th heartbreak… Jeff C. I couldn’t remember much about him. but I’m sure I was really depressed when he left me…
7th heartbreak… Harold Jose this is the most tragic story of my life… he’s a varsity player. I thought he was this disciplined man. cause he was always on time and knows how to behave.. but everybody has a flaw. He’s a hard headed jerk. he begun beating me up. when my friends asked me what happened I denied the fact that he hurt me making stupid excuses such as I fall down on the stairs I bump on the wall…. and stuff.I did take those kind of hurting cause I thought I was just really a pain in the ass that he had to do that for my own good. But one night just when I thought everything was going well, I got this call. Saying he was in a motel with some whore. of course I have to prove it right. I went to the motel and found his car on parking area…I called him up, he answered and said he was in his apartment taking a nap while I’m seeing him walk out of the motel with prostitute still talking to me at his mobile. the day after the incident, he went to my place, i confronted him, but instead of saying sorry… he snaps me back with "what the hell are you doing in there?!" The martir me… pleaded for his forgiveness. But he banged the door in front of my face. I followed him outside with nothing but a nightgown and a pair of teddy bear slippers saying "let me explain.." I ended up crying and pleading for a killer to kill me.
8th heartbreak… Mj. I was really in love with this guy cause he was my ex best friend. he was sweet and understanding… but that was just before I met the real him.our relationship was somewhat on and off. We only see each other and be with each other when we see each other… huh!?! and when I thought everything was doing out well,… I really don’t remember what has happened but we ended up boxing each other.literally people!
9th heartbreak… Ronald aka. Arn he turned out to be gay...
and the final deal…Jhun. It’s not yet a heartbreak thing cause we still love each other but again people! MY MOM IS AGAINST HIM now also MY DAD! he’s not the common guy you see in the streets or the school campus or everywhere. He was jailed at a young age. despised by many people, hated by most. but I love him… cause he’s the only guy who could die for me. We are like this "you and me against the world" thing. despite of him being different if you know what I mean, he has this soft side of him… and that’s what I really love about him… he is ironic. my dad says i have no future with this guy. my friends says… "what the hell is the matter with you being in love with an ex convict?" but I really don’t care. It hurts me much that I can’t love him freely. I can’t make him meet my folks and my friends cause they might only put their eyebrows up on him… For now… I’m trying my very best to ignore all the feed backs from my family and friends.
Actually, I haven’t told all my heartbreaks in life… just like the TV shopping always says… WAIT THERE’S MORE! but I told you I wouldn’t want to bore you or anything…. hey, you’re still up?! hell-o?!