I really am not in the mood to write a certain interesting post right now but there are few stories that I have in my mind and they must be typed or else they would be forgotten. Let's start with.... ok here it goes...
I wasn't able to update my blog since my family wants me to be parted from my laptop for a while. I just sneaked up in the attic to check on my mails and well, to write this ofcourse. I love Christmas! who doesn't? with all those food on the table, gifts under the tree and oh the Christmas bonus! But the most important thing I love during Christmas is that my family is complete during holidays. My husband is indeed trying his best to avoid alcohol and my grandmother is doing absolotely fine. My mom and dad are reunited again, because my dad just came home from work abroad. My daughter and my niece are the greatest cause you see, they share things and seldoms get sick. It's just sad that my sister isn't home... though shes not always home.
Oh well, to sum it all up my Christmas was great!
What did I cooked for Christmas you say?!
I baked Three kinds of cake.
Banana Cake
Chocolate Honey Bun Cake
Devils Food cake
I cooked Spaghetti, kid's favorite. There's the Ham and Keso de Bola (Cheese Ball).
For the main dish I cooked Kaldereta ( Goat Stew), Kilawen (Goat meat medium rare), Soup Number 5 (Beef Soup) and the favorite Chicharon (Deep Fried Meat).
I will post the recipe next time since I only have limited time to type.
Anyway, There were only 7 of us at home but we pigged out...
I started to fill my daughters piggy bank just before Christmas and now it's nearly full. Thanks to the Godparents they never forget to give her Christmas gifts and cash. When the piggy is full I will send it to the bank for "rainy seasons".
I did tried to save for my daughter last year but she often gets sick and we have to sacrifice the piggy. huhuhuhu.... her billl in the hospital was very huge. The Medicare didn't cover up all expenses. My husband's income isn't that big. So that's why I am blogging... this is for the Therapy for my daughter. I can't go out there and look for a job since I am taking care of my Granny whose suffering ALzheimer's disease. She needs all the care she could get. We don't want to put her in a Home for the Aged! No way. At least she got to spend her remaining days with us, her family. I love my grandmother since she's the one who took care of me when I was little.
Oh if only I am rich... I could buy her all the medicines she needs. My mom takes care of the expenses but still it's not enough. And my Granny's pension can't cover up the expenses as well.
And If I have money from my blog I buy my daughter and my grandmother medicines it's a big help for them.
Oh here I am again... being dramatic and all!
Happy new Year everyone!

Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side then their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?

I am the cook in our home and I choose what will be served in our table. I have to admit that my family is the meat type of eater. But I always balance it with a salad or a vegetable stew. Today I cooked the famous "Crispy Pata" (Deep fried pig's legs) and Lumpia (vegetable wrapped in thin flour). It is not easy to cook it since it really does have to be slow but perfect. It took me like 30 minutes to prepare it and an hour to cook it.
Let me share to you how I manage to cook a not that big size of pig's hind leg.
First things first I have to select the best kind of a pig's leg.
Here is the recipe:For the Crispy Pata you will need:
Pork pata (pork hock)
1 clove of garlic
Salt
Peppercorns
Now here is what you have to do...
Blanch pata for few minutes and discard water. Add more water to cover pata and bring to boil. Skim off scum that floats in the broth. Add garlic and peppercorns then simmer for about 45 minutes to an hour. Add salt and continue simmering until tender. Transfer pata to a platter. Run your knife on one side of the pork leg to separate the meat from the bone.
Heat about 4 to 5 cups of fresh oil in a deep casserole. When it is smoking hot, slowly submerge the pata. Reduce heat and continue deep-frying until golden brown. Just when you think it is just nice and crispy, sprinkle few drops of water to make the rind crispier. Drain, chop as you wish and serve with your favorite condiment.For the Lumpia you will need:
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 pound ground pork
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup minced carrots
1/2 cup chopped green onions
1/2 cup thinly sliced green cabbage
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon soy sauce
30 lumpia wrappers
2 cups vegetable oil for frying
First you have to place a wok or large skillet over high heat, and pour in 1 tablespoon vegetable oil. Cook pork, stirring frequently, until no pink is showing. Remove pork from pan and set aside. Drain grease from pan, leaving a thin coating. Cook garlic and onion in the same pan for 2 minutes. Stir in the cooked pork, carrots, green onions, and cabbage. Season with pepper, salt, garlic powder, and soy sauce. Remove from heat, and set aside until cool enough to handle.
Place three heaping tablespoons of the filling diagonally near one corner of each wrapper, leaving a 1 1/2 inch space at both ends. Fold the side along the length of the filling over the filling, tuck in both ends, and roll neatly. Keep the roll tight as you assemble. Moisten the other side of the wrapper with water to seal the edge. Cover the rolls with plastic wrap to retain moisture.
Heat a heavy skillet over medium heat, add oil to 1/2 inch depth, and heat for 5 minutes. Slide 3 or 4 lumpia into the oil. Fry the rolls for 1 to 2 minutes, until all sides are golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Serve immediately.And prepare to complimented!
So there! after cooking we all ate together and now I am blogging it. For those who hates those fats and grease... I am sorry.

I have received an email from a friend. I did laugh about most of these facts and I was like uh-huh!?! with some of them. I want to share it with you guys. Hope you will also laugh and go uh-huh!?!...

25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.

20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants ‘ even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to ‘own’ a pet ‘ the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely ‘pet minders’.

4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.

1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset.

So that's it! I don't know if it entertains you but atleast you will find out how stupid some laws are around the globe.

I promise to post a more entertaining and with sense next time.hehehe!

I told you guys it wasn't my blog that have that bug! Entrecard apologizes for having a bug on their system. And that's why some bloggers are complaining on me having a bug on my entrecard ID. I even panicked when some says my entrecard has a flashing thing or my blog got an unidentified IP address. I did report myself on entrecard. Yes it is indeed a stupid thing to do but I have elaborate what is going on and they apologized and emailed me that they will do something to remove it. See! it wasn't me afterall. whew!

A blogger told me that my blog or computer has something in it that might have offended her. I am NOT a technical person and I don't know anything about computers but to type and post. I am busy most of the time at home and I have no time to put something in my blog or computer. I really don't know what's going on! I am about to cry because you see blogging is one of the ways for me to search income for my kid. And if something is wrong with it then NO MONEY for my kid's therapy! So if any of you can read this especially SHINADE please specify what is it that bothers you. And what IP address?! I don't know what you are talking about. PLEASE SPECIFY.
I even deleted some of my sponsors which is really hard for me to since they are helping me to make money.
My Blog is only because of my kid's therapy and nothing else. if anybody of you thinks this is a crap then be it. Maybe making money for the sake of an asthma patient is really is a crap for you. Thank you for those who are still supporting me. And thank you for having trust on me. I promise you more interesting post after this. I am sorry I have to let this out. I am being accused of something I have no idea of.

You might wonder what makes a Filipino meal during breakfast complete... well, it's easy! a dose of TUYO. yes tuyo! a staple food in the Philippines. It's smoked and dried fish perfect in any combination! You can enjoy it with "champorado" (chocolate rice with milk), or with tomatoes and plain rice, or with vinegar and plain rice.
I was thinking of posting some pictures of bacon and egg, or ham sandwich, or those nice fluffy yummy banana bread, but then I want it to be more unique, more unusual, more Filipino style!
So here it is guys! breakfast made in the Philippines.

It is rather odd to see a smiley in the sky. But I have witness the most fascinating peak of the moon forming together with Venus and Jupiter a smiley in the dark sky. It was 6:30pm Manila Time when me and my husband decided to have a dinner outside. And my daughter who was stargazing pointed the sky and said; "Mama! There's a coca cola sign in the sky!"(which btw, coca cola is famous with its smiley cap here in the Philippines) I looked up and there it is! A smiley.

This is Metro Manila's pink urinal for men.Yes, it's not hygenic. It is made from metal and they painted it pink signed that MMDA made them. I don't agree with the idea of putting such metal thing on every corner of Metro Manila. You see... if you walk on the streets, you can smell the foul smell coming from that urinal! Why didn't they just make something like a close urinal with a REAL toilet bowl with it. They are making Filipinoes look like dumps by putting such on the streets! well, this is my opinion I don't know if anybody agrees with me.

I would like to sincerely thank a fellow blogger for giving me three awards. These are actually my first awards.
Thank you Liza of moms...check nyo for passing me these awards! hope we could maintain a good relationship as fellow bloggers. I am passing it to some bloggers who gave me the inspiration to continue blogging just like you did!

These are the five bloggers who deserve these awards:

Disney Channel is getting all of my child's attention! My daughter is turning 3 this January and guess what she wanted for her bday cake decor... Mickey, Pooh, Manny(handy Manny), Noddy and Pocoyo! She wants ALL of them. Well, I couldn't say no so today at the Christmas Bazaar in our town plaza I bought some of those characters. Though I couldn’t find any Pocoyo since it’s not that famous here in our place, oh Pocoyo was her favorite!
After getting up from bed and eating breakfast, she always turns the TV on and clicks on the channel button until she reaches Disney Channel. That’s her everyday routine! She can watch TV for 5 hours with snack intervals. She cries when we change the channel unless… horror movie is on!
She doesn’t play without the TV on. She doesn’t go to bed without the TV on. I can’t feed her without the TV on. I can’t get her to take her bath without promising her to watch TV after. I can’t make her take her vitamins without the TV ON! In short I can’t get her to do something without the TV on!
Disney Channel can be a very good baby sitter. Whenever I do my blog, I leave the TV on and she with her cousins can watch without me being bothered. I can do chores with her watching TV. Because you see, when Disney is on she’s very well behave.
You might want to tell me I am being a bad mom by letting her watch TV that long but you see, my daughter learns lots of things while watching. She learned to count, even in Spanish! She learned the basic colors, now she can point out what are blue and red and pink and so on… She learned to sing some nursery songs like the Barney Song, Twinkle Star, and even love’s to play our piano (because of Little Einstein’s!) And her ability to memorize things and stuff is much higher than an average toddler.
I don’t know if I will thank Disney Channel or hate it for some reason but as for now, my kid is learning so maybe I will just have to leave it like that for now…

In 1987 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US Wall Street crashes sending the Dow Jones Industrial average down 22.6% President Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev sign an unprecedented missile reduction agreement Televangelist Jim Bakker resigns amid accusations of sexual infidelity and financial impropriety Wall Street financier Ivan Boesky is sentenced to three years in prison in an insider trading scandal Gary Hart withdraws from the 1988 presidential campaign under accusations of infidelity The Food and Drug Administration approves anti-AIDS drug AZT Prozac makes its debut in the US Bow Wow, Joss Stone, and Hilary Duff are born Minnesota Twins win the World Series New York Giants win Superbowl XXI Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup Three Men and a Baby is the top grossing film "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles spends the most time at the top of the US charts Full House, Married with Children, and Star Trek: The Next Generation premiere

This is Florante Bayle.58 years old. My uncle, cousin of mom’s. He has a rare skin disease called Neurofibromatosis , but despite of his appearance he has many goals in life. He is kind and very helpful. And when it comes to news and current affairs he is always updated. He’s like a walking radio.
Fury, as we call him, was raised with despise from his own father. He was my grandmother’s adopted son since he was unwanted in their home. He stays with my grandmother until his father died. Though he wasn’t born with the disease, he grown with it. He was 13 years old when rashes occurred in his skin. And ofcourse because he live in the society where they blame nature for everything they said he was cursed. Not believing my grandmother, his aunt, brought him to Manila to be cured but at that time, 1960’s cure for his disease was not yet invented. They did try everything from herbals to medicals. From medical doctors to faith healers and witch doctors. Nothing happened. He has no choice but to grow with the “skin”. This doesn’t stop him from reaching some goals in his life, like being everybody’s bestfriend. He is the friendliest guy in our neighborhood. Children, look at him like Santa Claus during Christmas cause whenever he has money or chocolates (given by his sister in Germany), he shares them without hesitation. He helps out in the family by being a male nanny to his nephews and nieces and now even to their children! Not only in the family that he shares that role has he also taken care some of the children here in our place. And he is a great story teller, he tells stories of folklore and such when I was just a kid.
“He’s a beast! He must be burnt to death!” said his father. He chases him with 2x2 thick stick and throw rocks at him whenever he sees him. Poor Fury doesn’t even curse or hated his father by doing that to him. He says, “I am blessed with family whom loved me so dearly, not having a father at my side doesn’t bother me at all!”
We all love him here, he will always be beautiful even not by appearance but by his works, he is Beauty. I will not argue with the comments he receives everyday by those who doesn’t know him personally, because, mostly of those who judge him are those who have flaws even not in appearance but as a person. I am a witness of this person’s good deeds. And nothing in this world can ever pay whatever he did for us, for our community, for those he touched their lives.

These are my two angels. My daughter Beans and my niece Boo. They are always TOGETHER, they do things together, and even eats together.

Trials aren’t counted by how many it may be but it is counted on how hard it is to deal with. I have been in a stage where I should give up but despite of me having an alcoholic husband, a grandmother who’s suffering of Alzheimer’s disease, a mother who has a heart ailment and a daughter who’s always ill due to asthma, I am trying my best to be as strong as possible. October 28, 2008, just last Wednesday, my daughter had asthma attack that I have to take her to the hospital. I was so caring when it comes to her, I don’t let her run around, always check her back if she’s sweating and I never forget her medications, But still destiny is testing my strength. I am nearly to cry just by typing this, I have just solve my problem with my husband and my grandmother is not worse than before, I cannot say she’s improving since dementia has no cure, but she is coping up, my mom is doing great and oh my dad is coming home this November, but now… my daughter, my two years old baby, is in the hospital being cured. I think that God isn’t going to stop until He sees me growing more and stronger… But isn’t this enough?

My daughter has tubes connected to her body, oxygen, dextrose and well, I don’t know what it’s called, it’s a device to navigate her heartbeat. I nearly fainted when they run tests on my daughter, I told the doctor she’s just having a usual asthma attack but still they run blood test, skin testing for her meds, x-ray, urine test and even stool test thought the last three isn’t worth fainting for but blood test on my baby is not really a cherry on top of a sundae for me. She was crying and holding my hand when they extract blood from her finger. She even told me to get them stop cause it hurts so much. When she calmed, I look at her and again tears fell to my cheeks, my heart is thumping so fast as I look at her and I prayed again to God and prayed hard to give her health. Then I asked myself, Am I a bad mother that my baby suffers like this? I do things a mother would do for her baby; I never put any other things first but her. When my husband and I had problems worry more about my baby than myself. She’s the number one reason why I chose to stay home and work home. Why are all of these happening to me? Then I recall the sermon on last Sunday’s mass, that if you are being tested you will in return receive a blessing more than you are expecting. And also I recall the story of the parable of the beach ball which a friend online asks me to read. I was being shoved to the bottom of the pool and still I find my way to the top. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to find my way on the top and regain my strength but it seems like it was just yesterday when I encountered a trial, now that I am trying to stand up another trial is pushing me to drop down again. I am sorry for those who find my blog not that interesting anymore for I am always posting blogs about how complicated my life is. Well, I can’t get this out of my chest unless I write it down and let it all out. As I’ve told you before, my life is an open book.

October 30, 2008; still my daughter isn’t doing well. She barely asks for milk and is always vomiting even though she’s not eating anything. The doctor says it is normal for she is just undergoing the hard part of being ill. Oh how I wish I will just exchange places with my daughter in that case she won’t feel the pain.

October 31, 2008; she asks for a bottle of milk, I was so excited that I even dropped her canister. Oh what a mother would ask only for her daughter to be well again. She was giving signs of development. Thank God.

November 1, 2008; it was Halloween and we are in the hospital. When I went home to get some things needed in the hospital I entered my grandmother’s room and saw her talking with Janice, her caregiver for the mean time, she was looking for me all the time asking Janice if she would tell her where to look. I went straight to her bed and kissed her forehead. She amazingly recognizes me and even scolds me for not tending her. I told her my baby was ill and she reached for her purse where only old coins were kept, since her money is being saved in the bank in case of emergency, she gave it to me and told me to go buy some medicine for my baby. My heart sank and I hugged her. She whispers; “if only I am young again, I could help you take care of her in the hospital.” For a while she was herself! That day was a miracle between me and my grandmother. I realized that even if the disease is eating her brain and took her memories away, in her heart stayed memories any disease cannot alter, memories of being a mother, a grandmother, and a woman.

When I went back to the hospital, my daughter greeted me with a smile and my husband who was tending her at the moment was asleep with his hand on my daughter’s. What a scenario and what a day it was.

November 2, 2008, today, the doctor said that my daughter will be discharge from the hospital on Tomorrow, since she is doing quite well now. And indeed, everything went just fine!

I thought life is over... I really did attempt to just be free and get away from all the problems and responsibilities I have. But thank you for those people especially those who commented on my last blog and helped me. After those wonderful comments I have received, I came up with a decision. This would either do me good or make the situation worst. But I am ready in anything that might happen. One thing is for sure. I am much stronger now and I promise myself never to cry again.

I tell you now that God really finds a way to lightened loads that we are carrying. I felt so weak the past few days. Some good friends of mine online told me to go seek for help and I did. I even phoned my best friend and told her what is going on in my life right now and that I badly need some helping hands... my best friend asked me to dinner at their house and asked her cousin (a caregiver) to take care of my grandmother and help my mother out at home for a night. I brought my daughter to my cousins’ house as well.
When we got to Leah's house (best friend), I saw our friends whom I haven't seen in a while. And to my surprise, ex-best friend from high school was there. Ex-best friend, because we had a great fight in senior years which led us both being suspended, from then on we never talk nor seen each other. It's been a long while... the house was full of confusion, coldness when I entered, some eyes were exclaiming how they feel about my current situation and some eyes were only looking for a sign of anger and me leaving the room. I didn't leave the room; instead I try as hard as I could to maintain myself and not to burst out crying. Dinner was over when we agreed to drink some wine and talk about things. To be specific it’s about me. Then a hand touched mine telling me to go outside for someone is waiting to talk to me. I didn't notice that Marisol the ex-best friend was there outside with Leah the whole time I was stating my situation to my friends. I went outside the house and saw her (Marisol) smiling at me. We didn't say any word but;"it's been a long while huh!?!" and then hugged each other. I feel so light that time... I felt that the one big dagger that is in my heart for a very long time was dissolving and turning into a feeling... a feeling I never felt for a long time... happiness.
After that night I went home and saw my husband at the doorstep just there, staring at the door... crying. He said he only went there to get his things that he needs to be away from us as far as possible cause he needs to find himself and start over. I hold his hand and told him I will help him to change, I don't know what's gotten into me when I said that. But something inside me is telling me to help him. We went inside and I gave him something to eat since he told me he didn't eat dinner yet. I asked him if he would like me to help him and we will attend counseling and a program for alcoholics. And he said yes. For the first time he agreed on seeking help. That night I let him sleep in the other room I gave him some hot milk and tucked him to bed like a kid. He fell asleep right away .His eyes were very tired I can tell. My daughter even peek into the room and smiled when she saw her dad.
I went in my mom's room and told her about all of the things that happened to me that night. She said it would be a great help for me if she would hire someone to sit grandma.
My daughter who was afraid the dark slept with the lights off. When I went to peek at her room she told me that she is now safe because now the family is complete. A tear rolled on my cheek. That night changed my life completely...
I went back in the room where my husband sleeps and pull a chair next to him. As I was staring at him, I prayed... I thanked God for that night. And asked Him to help my husband.
7:00am.
Morning and I fixed breakfast for the family. Everybody was feeling great that day. My grandmother wasn’t giving me a hard time feeding her. My daughter ate all her meal and my husband ate twice the usual breakfast he takes. After breakfast my mom played the piano. A serene Monday for me.
10:00 am. I phoned Mina, Leah’s cousin to look after my grandma again. Me and my husband fixed ourselves and went to Doctor Bringas for a recommendation for his program. And went to a “Pancitan” a restaurant who serves noodles and only noodles. I never did this in a long time…. I miss it so much. My heart is feeling a lil bit funny and I was smiling all the time. My daughter’s eyes were filled with happiness too. And my husband? Well, he was acting like the same person I’ve met 5 years before, when we were still girlfriends, boyfriends. We drive to Vigan after that and attended the marriage counseling with Doctor Cee.
We are supposed to return every Saturday. And my husband will attend his program after his work. I hope this will work out for us. And I hope you guys will understand the decisions I’ve made. Things are happening so fast… but I hope this happiness in me will last…
Thank you very much for those who posted comments on my last post. It did me a great help and made me stronger to face my problems.
For those who commented and helped me out a little thank you located at my side bar. To JG I will thank you here sincé you didn't leave any back link. thank you...

I don't know how to be private.My life is an open book. I only keep my problems when I know I can solve it in the long run. But now I have no idea on how to even face my problems. I am a young mother and a young wife as well. I thought that I could make my married life as normal as possible. But being too young to know things isn't really helping. My husband isn't doing his job. I am always cleaning up every mess he makes. I have to admit that yes, I am a nagger, a person who always in a red mood. It is because I am the one working and taking care of our daughter at the same time. I am working online btw. Also taking care of my grandmother. So I do things at home. My husband? well, today he has a job tomorrow he is fired, that is his kind of living. And he is always drunk. I am desperate. I need help. that's why I am posting this right now. Blogging is the only way that eases my heartaches and pain inside.
I wrote him a letter last night, he haven't read it yet because he didn't came home. But on that letter I told him that I need a rest and that we have to separate. Am i doing the right thing? I want to help him but it seems that he doesn't want to help himself. I am tired of giving him chances to build our marriage again. I am tired of arguing on how we can feed ourselves. Too tired to think of any way but to break up with him and that is for good. If anyone would read this, please I need someone to talk to. I need some advice. I need help. I am crying right now just posting this. I still love him though he's like that. I miss the man who used to love and takes care of me.I miss the times he was still responsible and knows how to help me when I needed help. Now I feel so alone. Betrayed. I feel so pathetic just posting this. I want to go out and smell the fresh air outside or to find myself but because I have so much responsibilities at home I can't. My grandmother needs me because she is suffering dementia, My mother also needs me because she has a weak heart,My niece needs me because she has no one to cling to, and my daughter needs me because I am her mother. I am the one cleaning, cooking, taking care of my family and desperately earning some extra money online. I feel so weak now...