Nanang Atang

(that's what we call her)
“Have you feed the children?” “Did you cook rice already?” “I haven’t eaten yet, nobody cares to feed me!”
Every minute of the day this are the things that my grandmother always says. It becomes a litany everyday. She has been suffering by the Alzheimer’s disease. I was the one taking care of her since she first had it. I stopped working when we found out she was ill. I gave up my career and started living with my. Together with my Mom and my own family, we help together in taking care of her. My job would be the hardest of all, I have a three years old baby daughter who’s also very sickly due to asthma, my first grader niece who stays with us too, I have to do most of the household chores, and take care of my grandmother. And oh! I am a blogger!
I didn’t imagine my life being like this. In fact, I imagine myself being in a corporate world of I.T. After giving birth to my daughter, I started working in a Call Center and did very well that I was promoted twice; I was climbing the corporate ladder step by step. All was going so well until I received a call from my mom stating the situation of my grandmother. At first I really couldn’t believe it. My mom even told me she was getting worse like everyday. I didn’t know what to do. I was shocked. I started to recall grandma being so healthy and going to the market, though this is her hobby. When I was a kid, she used to buy us snacks whenever she goes to the market. Take care of us, cook for us, oh how I miss those delicious dishes she serves. She cooked them with passion. She sees to it that we are satisfied with her tasteful meals. Not only has that she cooked food for us but also for her friends in the market, the Chinese friends she has and relatives of course. She loves to cook Filipino delicacies and Mexican food as well. The “arros de valenciana” “pork embutido” “special meatballs” were just few of the dishes she cooks perfectly. After doing all the household chores and taking care of us she tucks us to bed and read us fairy tales. She has a large collection of those that now only kept in the attic. She used to read them for us until me and my sister fell asleep. She does this every night until we were older to listen to her stories. Oh how I miss those too.
Now everything she used to do was all gone. Just like that! All was left is an annoying old lady who roam around the house with an attitude. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing and how things are suppose to be.


Lunchtime, I finished cooking and it’s time for me to serve her meal. And of course she doesn’t want to eat. I left her with her food in her table near her sofa. When I returned to check on her she started saying, “where are the food go? Why didn’t you feed me?”I look at her tray but she already finished up her food. Because she was asking for more, I came back with tray of food again. She said; “I don’t want to eat anymore, I’ve eaten yesterday!” I started crying… She doesn’t even know my name or hers anymore. She just looked at me with a blank face.


Alzheimer’s disease is a killer. My grandmother is with us but her thoughts are oh so far away! You can’t talk to her about things anymore because she wouldn’t understand.
I love her so much… But I am also ready to face her death when God will decide to want to get back what we’ve borrowed. Or am I really?